i've got a pot boiling in the kitchen, trying to melt the rest of the wax in it so that i can peel it off as it cools and then use the pot to make dinner.
this evening i've been melting a candle into my big white alice-in-wonderland cup. i'd left it over night in r's car, in a box of things from my mother's house, and the next day the whole car was full of the scent of roses. we thought that some rosewater must have spilled in the box, but actually it turned out that the gorgeous grey-green candle my sister gave me for christmas had melted. the deformed shape might be tolerable; the newly-incorporated hair from my cruella da ville doll was not. so today i gave it a new form, melting it into the mug in a pot of boiling water. it still looks wonky, but after the first time i've burned it it will look like it was meant to be this way.
melting candles makes me think of sex and of loneliness. that year my jaw was wired shut i spent an awful lot of time in my room playing the cure and joy division and melting candles, patiently using a knife to build gorgeous trails down the side of empty wine bottles. when i couldn't stand to be alone i'd go to a's room and watch her and e look at each other until my room and my candles seemed like a better option. "why are you so far away, and won't you ever know..."
i remember thinking about the ascetic masochism in the act, the tediousness of spending so much time touching these candles when i could barely touch stand to touch myself.
but it was warm too, the wax was. and it was warm last week, when a friend visited, and i spent a couple of hours showing him how gorgeous hot wax can feel. god, i love that. i've missed that.
life has gotten more complicated in the intervening week, and i doubt that particular scene will be repeated. it was a good night, at any rate.
i've put off washing the wax out of my spare sheet, and tommorow it will be time to vacuum out the little bits in all the rugs. wax is slippery, messy stuff. it gets everywhere; whenever i move out of this apartment i'll still be finding it.
in the meantime the rose scent is lingering from remaking this candle tonight.
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