(gender) pirate/ninja
page 3 of 8He wore a talisman around his neck: the severed head of a Bratz Boyz doll. Corporate toymaking culture had completely stolen the notion of the doll's gender - male to female to male and over to male again but this time with longer eyelashes - and the pirate wouldn't stand for that. He appropriated it right back. Guillotine style. Executioner style. Pirate style.
What was the difference between piracy and cultural appropriation, you may ask? If you asked the gender pirate that question, you'd get a poke in the eye and a kick between the legs. If you were unfortunate enough to stay conscious while you were down you'd get a long lecture on the subject. Or even some spoken word.
The gender pirate had just gone to 826 Valencia, the so-called pirate store. He'd kidnapped one of the fish there and copied its genetic code, and he was headed to a good hijackable wireless hotspot so he could upload the whole thing. He'd got as far as the BART station when he saw something that made him see streaming columns of angry red perl script.
A ninja. He hated ninjas.
The rest of the ninjas threw down smoke bombs and slipped off into unseen street corners when they saw the gender pirate, but Anais Ninja was too angry. She attacked him immediately. She dove toward the pirate and launched one of the most secret and deadly maneuvers she had been taught: the terrible and feared Lightning Fist of Seven Drunken Fairies Who Are Totally Straight When Sober.
The pirate copied the maneuver and blocked it immediately! It was a patented ninja technique. Didn't the pirate have any respect for the ancient ninja art of intellectual property protection? She kept attacking, but to no avail. Every secret technique she used on the pirate, he immediately copied and posted onto the internet.